Food Wear

It's 9:10 and I haven't had breakfast yet. I open my inbox to discover an email containing the Hamburger Dress by Joy Kampia.

Pretty cruel. And delicious!

This is the latest item in an exchange I've been having with a California friend about food inspired clothing.

Check out the other items, you might find your next Christmas gift here at AinA.


Please enjoy the insanely real looking felted bacon scarf by Etsy user chrischunski and the tasty looking sausage link scarf by Shutterkate

And of course, since we're talking bacon, where would we be without a BLT!

Equally Nauseating

This side by side might give me nightmares. The homoerotic pictures available in a quick Google Image Search for Clay Aiken and the mug shots for Paul Reubens are enough to make anyone gag.

Enjoy. If that's possible.

A Chin Only a Mother Could Love

I enjoy late night television and this post is in homage to the 11:30-12:30 slot.

Buzz definitely gets to wear a cooler suit but Jay does have all those amazing cars.

Damn You All to Hell!

As an avid NBC4 news watcher, I am often informed of free giveaways and specials by newscasts. Weeks ago Doreen Gentzler shared with the public that if you went to Z Burger in Tenleytown and at the register said to the cashier "Shaaazam!" you'd receive a free burger. This information is obviously vital to my survival.

Similarly, I recently learned from a NBC4 broadcast that Dr. Pepper was going to uphold its promise to give a free soda to everyone in America if "Chinese Democracy" was released this year. Weee! Free Dr. P!

Or not.

I was thirsty. I Googled. And sadly, I'm still thirsty.

I found the website to sign up for the coupon (which would be delivered promptly in 4-6 weeks) and this is what showed up on my screen:



Crap. Jibberish. What the fuck?

Bottom line? No free Dr. Pepper...
Sad day, folks. Sad day.

Predamanwhoopi

Yeah, so what if I went there?

Arod Ruins Everything

I first saw this a few weeks ago. I love me some Guitar Hero but honestly, this just leaves a really bad taste in my mouth. Almost don't want to buy it anymore. Almost...

Chris Bosh: A Retrospective

Chris Bosh is team leader for the Toronto Raptors. He was also a valued member of the Olympic "Redeem Team". While he often fell into foul trouble and his shooting percentage was less than stellar, having him on the bench as I watched the Olympics was nice. If for nothing else that in stressful moments at the end of a game I could look at the team bench and see Chris Bosh and immediately think of Jurassic Park. He is a friggen modern day velociraptor.

Please enjoy this set of side-by-sides.

Look at that bone structure!

With his speed and impressive vertical leap, Bosh uses his velociraptor attributes to succeed in the NBA.

This shit is just deadly. Look at those murderous eyes!

Mouth poised for the kill.

Chris Bosh: 1
King James: 0

I rest my case.

Solid work with Crayolas

One of my favorite people in the world who is a First Grade Teacher sent me this picture earlier today.

A student in her class who previously demonstrated the propensity to create drawings like those in Superbad was at it again.

This time, his work was copyrighted.

One has to wonder at age 6 what on earth he's doing drawing Master Shake and Frylock. Obviously he's been exposed to the awesomeness that is Adult Swim at his tender young age. Will he be the next Seth McFarland? One can only hope...Bottom line, this child straight up rocks.

Bravo Producers STILL Rock

Somehow the Top Chef producers managed to find a chef who hails from the giggle worthy establishment of DiLido Beach Club who resembles Jesse Spencer, also known as Dr. Robert Chase on House.

Meet Jeff McInnis of Niceville, Florida. Yes, I said it. Niceville.

Thank you again to the Bravo producers. You've done your work brilliantly and it will pay off in dividends. Because yes, I speak for the 18-24 female demographic.

Bravo Producers Rock

Meet Carla Hall, chef and owner of Alchemy Caterers. While Carla enjoys enjoys creating memorable comfort dishes with fresh, seasonal and local ingredients we enjoy thinking of Carla as part of the cast of Ice Age. Hello Sid!

Go figure.

Top Chef Marathons Inspire Genius

Marcel Vigneron, Top Chef Season 2 Runner Up

Hugh Jackman a la Wolverine

Marcelverine

House is great, the Steelers last night? Not so much...

Pittsburg Steelers Head Coach Mike Tomlin

House character Dr. Foreman/Omar Epps

Coach Foreman

This makes me happy

David Gregory, White House Correspondent

Yedi, apelike cryptid said to inhabit the Himalayan region of Nepal and Tibet.

David Gredi

Rock 'em Sock 'em...Foot?

This unnamed foot has knuckles. Enjoy.
Oh and sorry about the cackling...



Sadly this just reminds me of a trick my mother played on me as a child when she had me convinced that a lobster with a pencil propped in between its rubber banded claws wrote my name when I wasn't looking. Twisted, right?

There is a God

Coming soon to a lazy alcoholic near you!

The 14 MPH Scooter

"This rechargeable electric scooter holds up to 24 cans of your favorite beverages, along with 8 pounds of ice right under your bum. There’s even a cup holder right between your legs so you can have a can of the cold stuff for yourself. If sitting on a cooler doesn’t sound very comfortable to you, there’s an optional padded seat that bolts on for about $30.

The three-wheeled vehicle can hold up to 300lbs and propel you down the road at up to 14 miles per hour. You’ll be able to drive about 15 miles on a single charge. While I’m not certain if this thing is street-legal, it’s probably fine for tooling around the parking lot at the stadium, delivering cold brews to your buddies."

Just delicious.

The studio would smell worse

I couldn't help myself.

I'm sorry.

It all went downhill after Circle of Friends

Minnie Driver = Chipmunk cheeks

Minnimunk

As if

For those of you unfamiliar with Bob's Stores, they are a chain of department stores in the Northeast that "offer great values on the brands of footwear, casualwear and activewear and footwear you want, all in one place, under one roof."

I generally <3 Bob's. Until I received this eBlast.

Two young, attractive Patriots fans would NEVER play catch with a child wearing an Eli Manning jersey. Just wouldn't happen.

Unless of course the man is laughing as the ball is mid air because he about to clock the child with it and the girl is sadistically smiling because the scent of violence is in the air.

Or, Bob's Stores marketing department stumbled on this one.

Or, I'm oversensitive and crazy.

You be the judge.

For the love of all things holy...

InStyle you should be ashamed. Emailing me a "Special Election Edition" of the Hollywood Hair Report so that I can try on a trademark hairstyle of Sarah Palin, Michelle Obama, Cindy McCain or Hillary Clinton.

Remarks can be made here about how we should be attempting to elevate the political discourse in our country. Focusing on the economic and energy crises.

But instead, I can try on Sarah Palin's hair.

Superb :)

Don't worry everyone, this is the extent of my political ambition.

It is also frightening as all get out.

Where's Cole Hamels?

Cole Hamels = Waldo*

*The series of children's books released by Martin Handford was titled differently by country release.

So in essence, Cole Hamels could actually be Waldo in the US and Canada; Wally in Portugal, Brazil, Italy and the UK; Charlie in France and Quebec; Holger in Denmark; Valli in Iceland; or Walter in Korea.

Why do the Mets suck so much in the month of September?

Jerry Manuel, Manager of the Mets
or...

Morgan Freeman

Not that we're saying he belongs in a zoo, but...

Mario Armando Lavandeira, Jr. = Perez Hilton
Perez Hilton = Monkey
Perezonkey

The Horse Face

In a quick Google search, I discovered a phenomenal website devoted (lovingly) to SJPs horseface, definitely worth checking out.

Tori Spelling, Sarah Jessica Parker, Hillary Duff = equine

Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires

Certain people have problems with that fact that signage in the Colorado Rockies portrays Smokey the Bear only wearing pants.

I'll admit, I find his pectoral muscles slightly disturbing. I'm also unsure how a shovel helps Smokey prevent fires. But I'm sure there is a logical, well-thought out reason.

The main issue with Smokey, his pecs and jeans is the implication that Smokey had parts that only jeans can cover. Similar to Donald Duck who typically wears no pants but upon exiting the shower, wears a towel wrapped around his body.

Obviously we can understand that these cartoon characters were modeled after humans. And yes, when Donald gets out of the bath he needs to dry off. We can of course ignore the fact that he has feathers and that ducks spend the majority of their time in water. Letting all of that go, we still have a duck that won't wear pants and a bear with a disturbingly hairy, rugged chest.

Bottom line: Not okay.

March of the Garcia?

Ordinarily penguins are cute.
Ordinarily.

Andy Garcia = maniacal penguin
Andy GarPenguin

This makes her much cooler by association

Nicole Scherzinger = Crush from Nemo

Rhiannaffe

Here at Abstinence in Alexandria, we believe and attempt to convince others that everyone has an animal twin.

There are times when these similarities are striking.

And then there are times when these similarities are down right weird.

Hope he likes baseball

This is so spot on it hurts.

Oh Lloyd!

You thought we'd stop at people, didn't you?

Of all the insane shoes available this summer, these two pairs have to be my personal favorites:

Pair 1 (at left): Fringeriffic

Pair 2 (below right): Just plain weird.

She asked for it, frankly

Brooke Shields + Ridiculous Dress =
Brookerich


Yeah, yeah. Not our best work.

The Evolution of Republicanism

Okay, prepare yourself folks. Before anyone gets punchy, let the record state that this is in fact a nonpartisan side by side.

Dan Bartlett -> Karl Rove -> Dick Cheney

Don't fight it, we all see the resemblance. Just enjoy it.

I <3 Him

Matt Damon = Cockatiel
Mattatiel

This just had to be done

Gary Levox, lead singer of Rascal Flatts = Hedgehog
Levoxhog

Oh come on, you see it.

Stacy Ann Ferguson = Fergie

Fergie = Klingons

Fergklingon

So what if I liked "Even Stevens"

Shia LaBeouf = Meerkat

Shia LaMeerkat

Top Chef is great and all but this is much better

Padma Lakshmi = Praying Mantis

Padmantis

Jumpin Jehosaphat!

I have been remiss!

I failed to discuss my encounter with a tonsil stone. For those not familiar with xWong or with Tonsillolith, click here. Since I don't dislike any of my readers, I won't post pictures. Rather, I'll describe The Tonsil Stone Incident.

xWong, being the giver that she is, had been saving up a tonsil stone for our rendezvous in Las Vegas. She made empty promises on night after night until one fateful evening. xWong came out of the bathroom bearing a tonsil stone. Harmless looking until squished.

The smell? To quote others:
"Oh the humanity! What a smell. If you’ve never smooshed and smelled one, they’re like puke and rotten food mixed together."

"They're harmless globs of bacteria, dead cells, food, etc. They smell like rotting sulfer/eggs. They are great fun to play with."

xWong, I love ya but no more squishing of the tonsil stones near me. I can now join the likes of Ron Burgundy in knowing the actual scent of BigFoot's dick.

Hot Frogs in the City

National Geographic currently has a live exhibit that showcases frogs from throughout the world.

During a recent lunch hour, we stopped by to take in the amphibian paradise. I'd visited earlier in the week and greatly enjoyed some highly venomous, neon frogs. See photo at left, thank you Sarah.

My second visit was slightly more dramatic as you'll see from the short clip below. Even the frogs have realized that spring is in the air. Oh and I should mention that the audio is the critical part...

Froggy Style
filmed by Anna
titled by Liz

Creed is that you?

Normally I save musings regarding any bathroom activitiy for conversations with Christina; however, I feel compelled to share this gem with everyone.

I just used the ladies facilities in our office building and was immediately shocked on entering seeing these shoes under a stall door. Really? I mean, seriously?

These shoes are simply not okay. This isn't a hospital, you are not a nurse. You work in an office and really, there are much more attractive, comfort footwear options.

These shoes call into question your gender. And having seen enough episodes of The Office, are you Creed? Happily (sketchily) using the women's bathroom? I really just don't know. And frankly it scares the hell out of me.

Am I paranoid? Undoubtedly.
Are the shoes hideous? Undoubtedly.